Why Montecatini Works 1/25/02
Eating disorders are most likely to be a lifelong, debilitating, and fatal disease, if not treated properly. There are many facets of this disease and as a result must be approached from many different angles. Those angles being physically, mentally emotionally and spiritually. A common presumption of this illness is that it is solely about getting the person to eat "normal" and to attain a healthy weight. I'm here to tell you otherwise so brace yourself, it's a long and torturous journey into battle but the victor will come away with more strength more courage and more freedom than ever before.

Montecatini - a word I hadn't heard before and a place I hadn't been, is now a word I'll never forget and a place I'll never abandon. For it is here that I have been found and restored to life. And not just physical life, but true human life. Life I never thought possible after existing in an eating disorder for so many years. A life that wouldn't have been possible, I believe if I hadn't found Montecatini - or rather if Montecatini hadn't found me.

I often wonder I had had the opportunity of finding and coming to Montecatini in the earlier years of my disease, would my life have taken a different path? Would I have found abstinence earlier? I don't know nor does it matter, for the past is history and the present is a gift- a gift I choose to open every day of my life- one day at a time (These are all things I've learned here.)

Montecatini is quite different from the other treatment programs I've been and heard about. That is exactly why their program works. First of all, it's not a hospital-based facility- that alone makes a huge difference. Hospitals always gave me the sense of being "locked-up", trapped, confined, isolated crazy…. All hindrances towards my stay. Also Montecatini is continuously small in number usually 8-10 girls at a time: therefore individual attention, interaction with peers and caretakers specialized treatment on a need to need basis, true to life outings and social gatherings, and hands on life skills trainings are utilized and incorporated into the program. Other treatments tend to be larger in number, ranging from 10-48(in my experience). I felt like just another body that needed tending to, that occupied a bed, that required sporadic visits only to make an appearance for and just another crazy eating disorder that would walk in and out of those doors, only to find myself back where I started- miserable and sick.

The majority of treatment centers are just Band-Aids for the deep wounds- you put on the weight and you're considered "stable" and ready to face the world. Montecatini, on the other hand, is a long term, intensive, residential program with three of the most brilliant, amazing, loving, inspiring dr.'s ever to walk into the field of eating disorders. I truly believe it is these three women (dr.'s), and their gift of Montecatini, that has given hope to the hopeless, love to the unlovable and guidance to those who have gone astray. They took me under their wings and have taught me a whole new way of life. But they've also taught me that this new way of life doesn't end here- but rather, begins. It's an ongoing class in the "school of life." A class that many have the opportunity to take, but only those individuals who participate and commit themselves whole-heartedly will succeed and pass with flying colors. Montecatini has been, is, and always will be the best class I've ever taken, the hardest class, the most rewarding, and most life changing of all.

Another vital difference is the camaraderie of the girls/peers- it is only here that peers confront peers (not just staff), therapy is in a group setting with all girls attentive and willing to give feedback and at least one of our amazing dr.'s, or respected staff, conducts the group for 3 hours a day. We have one very skilled dietician who works with all of us and conducts group twice a week. On Wednesday is food and exercise group- it is here that we talk about our concerns with the food, troubles with our weight, body image, exercise, dinner outings etc. The dietician makes changes as needed to food or exercise plan. A good thing here, I've come to realize, is the knowing of "the number". By seeing the number, knowing the number and actually facing the number- takes the power away from the number, helps you let go and accept the number and come to see it as "just another meaningless number that doesn't define us as a person or influence our worth." One must face the enemy in order to defeat the enemy.

Montecatini is the only place (treatment center) where the competition for recovery far outweighs the competitiveness of the disease. Often times, I came away from other treatments (and many other people as well) having learned and picked up new diseased behaviors, sneaky tricks. Hospitals tend to host the "Eating Disorder Prize Awards" - in which all the contestants/nominees (patients) strive to be the sickest. It's a vicious game- one I was playing for many years up to my admission here. Unfortunately, it's a game that's never won. Winning equals death. Competition for recovery- what an awesome theory! I have learned many skills here that are necessary for recovery living-skills that I need to function, interact, and survive in today's society. No other program has taught these skills or even touched on the fact that recovery is so much more than just the food, weight, and exercise. Here it is introduced very soon and is stressed to be about relationships, being with people and accepting life on life's terms (a little program "lingo"). I've learned that I need to change the way I think in order to change the way I feel. My mood reflects my thinking- positive or negative. How interesting, I also was told I need to stop and change the negative tapes in my head before I can start to make the positive ones. Here, there is a consistency of expectations and regulations for everyone. No one is judged on who they walk in here as or what they've done. We are not categorized into "anorexics" or "bulimic" - we are all considered "compulsive eaters", as it is all the same disease. That was important for me because I know I tend to glamorize "anorexia". I now view them in the same way, as compulsive eating. Unlike most other places, there is no false representation or misleading, no dishonesty or secrets, and NO BLAMING from the dr.'s. The NO BLAMING is huge. Montecatini is the first treatment, the first team of professionals, and the first time in 7 years that the blame hasn't been put on my parents. Such a relieving, and comforting notion of reassurance. Family therapy is extremely important here and family members are encouraged to play an active role in their child's life/recovery process. Parents are not kept in the dark. The dr.'s are very personable and often become quite familiar with the families. Parents are welcome to call and ask questions call for advice and feedback, call for updates and simply be involved in child's treatment. I know how much of a relief that is for my parents, and me. All other times, my parents were told one thing and I was told another- no consistency or follow through. Families are encouraged to attend a number of specified groups that are strictly focused on them and their family system. Everyone is allowed to give feedback and is encouraged to confront/address family problems they see. There are no secrets-no more hiding, no more pretending, no more ignoring and most of all, no more lying. Family members are made aware of their own flaws, and areas that need changing in order to improve the quality of the system. I've see miraculous turnarounds in family relationships - that is one of the best attributes of this program. If brings families closer together and restores life to all.

The dr.'s become our surrogate mothers- they are with us at least 5 days a week from 9-5 and occasionally join us for dinner on Saturday night (if we are in La Jolla and the restaurant is good). It's evident that they truly care about each one of us and their motive isn't money.

Finally there does exist, a treatment where money isn't the determinant factor of choice and where the professional help comes from a place of genuine caring. There are guidelines with strict rules that are enforced, and in turn, consequences that result if not followed. The consequences are appropriate for the behavior, so we are more likely to learn from our mistakes.

A few examples of these such rules are as follows: minimum 3 month stay, bathroom buddy requirement for at least the first 3 months, no going upstairs or outside without permission and a buddy, absolutely no leeway for practicing diseased behaviors, no practicing other addictions, such as: smoking, alcohol, drugs, sex, sugar, caffeine, etc. (many people pick up other addictions in treatment if allowed), and everyone is required to eat 100% of meals. No one is allowed to be vegetarian or vegan. We eat everything- we are faced with what we fear. That's huge- other places give you the option of refusing food, eating only what you want, not eating 100%, avoidance of certain foods (like meat or fat0, choosing certain "safe" diseased foods, and continuing all the disordered behaviors. So the cycle never breaks and e never learn how to eat non-disorderly. Montecatini is so aware of all the sneaky little food games we play; and if they miss something the other girls do the confronting. The dr.'s are so intuitive and educated unlike any other place I've been, that they are held in such high regard by all and well-respected in their line of work. It's amazing what they've done with Montecatini. A place seriously, like no others- in a league of their own. The unbelievable obstacles that they've overcome to get where they are now display such strength and determination and is evident upon meeting. These qualities are strongly encouraged and rewarded here. It's a life program- learning to deal with day-to-day stressors, being exposed to the temptations and how to work through them, ability to form healthy and meaningful relationships, developing crucial life skills, restoring to us a sense of self, along with confidence, preparing us for the days ahead, teaching us to surrender by giving up complete control of the disease, and relying on a power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. I love that this program is based on the 12 Steps. We go to OA and AA meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, and are advised to continue this regimen throughout our lives.

A huge differential factor is the concept of meals. Here we cook our own food-by following recipes in accordance with our exchanges (we work with exchanges so as not to feed the obsession with calories). We do our own grocery shopping once a week and plan our weekly menu with meals that are both challenging and conducive to the allotted time. I had never cooked, much less have the desire to even learn upon entering Montecatini. So the fact that I'm enjoying myself in the kitchen and getting more confident each time I practice the art is a miracle. Now I'll know how to prepare my food, portion, and eat my exchanges when I'm out on my own. Thank goodness for a food plan- one that's specially designed for me and my body. Such freedom in that. With this program of discipline and structure, comes an unbelievable freedom. A freedom I never thought possible, never dreamt I would one day enjoy and never ever imagined myself free of the food and exercise obsession. And for that, I am truly incredibly grateful-for the privilege of being under the care of the most amazing team of professionals and for the gift of abstinence which I found here.

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Thank you!!
Kirsten